I read somewhere, that at the end of his life, E* grew consumed with an unceasing reverence for spiritual texts and often marked the margins of his books with a coded language that distilled the essence of certain ideas into fragments he could remember through the haze of his induced altered states. Varieties of religious experience. A few years ago, a woman from India read my palm. She revealed very specific details of my life, some of which I had never shared with anyone. Now the gypsy woman told my mother, before I was born, "you got a boy child comin', he's gonna be a son of a gun."

Some proof exists in the automatic writings to the oracular woman:

who drew you in? who changed your skin from flesh to pink flowers? even when the deeper waters were covered in bliss and the blooming origins where she stayed became unfamiliar and somehow more invisible. for her to take notice, for her to notice you there will be a last apocryphal glance that you can’t share but you can only let fester and the fury will stray into our laughter like loss and pained fever, it will desert you in a dry and lustless dream of such years gone by. but you never knew, you never wanted to know the truth. this was it, this was the closest that you could ever be to such a beautiful thing. out of reach it will occur to you that life is no more a trial and you have turned your back on it for the last time. for when I disappear and have vanished and been replaced by another, I will only think of you and the things you said in silence, in these moments where the core was love.

try as he might there was no convincing past self or future self
present reminiscent
the appeal of memories and transgressions to be divided
she sees them whirling
worthless tiaras – halo face
all the easy speakers speak
to each other
in code passed down through mediums
and centuries of silence
he had to be cautious because he had created this longing
and yet it would always be out of his control

Rising Sign is in 05 Degrees Taurus
Imaad Wasif, calm and deliberate, you hate to move quickly or act hastily. Very practical, every effort must count or you can't be bothered. Patient, persistent and steady, but very stubborn -- you can't be pushed or pressured into anything. You seem outwardly self-assured because you tend to repress your inner tension and turmoil. You exude an earthy warmth, friendliness and charm. You demand comfortable surroundings and appreciate the good life.

Sun is in 03 Degrees Scorpio.
Imaad Wasif, intense and complex by nature, you have extremely strong emotional reactions to most situations. Feelings are often very difficult for you to verbalize. Therefore you have a tendency to be very quiet -- to brood and think a lot. You seldom get overtly angry, but, when you do, you are furious and unforgiving. When you make an emotional commitment, it is total -- you are not attracted to superficial or casual relationships. If you are challenged, you take it as a personal affront and tend to lash out and fight back in a vengeful manner. You love mysteries and the supernatural.

Moon is in 05 Degrees Leo.
Imaad Wasif, you always want to be proud of yourself and will never do anything that will make yourself look bad. You need the respect and admiration of others and enjoy attracting attention to yourself. Everything you do tends to be self-emphasized and self-exaggerated. Very stubborn, willful and independent yourself, be sure to allow others who are close to you the similar right to "be themselves."

Mercury is in 16 Degrees Libra.
Imaad Wasif, you are known for not jumping to conclusions about things. You tend to weigh all possible choices very carefully before making a decision. When in the slightest amount of doubt, you will compromise rather than ruffle any feathers. You are a true raconteur of culture and taste -- your ideas and opinions are neat, elegant and refined. A born diplomat, you dislike discord so much that you will go out of your way to make others feel comfortable and at ease. You speak softly and pleasantly.

Venus is in 17 Degrees Virgo.
Imaad Wasif, you have a tendency to underestimate yourself and doubt your self-worth. This is very demeaning and should be avoided -- learn to love yourself as well as you do others. Your standards of perfection are very high -- you are attracted to relationships based on duty and responsibility. You are supercritical of yourself and others and, at times, prefer to be alone rather than deal with any imperfections in yourself or in those with whom you might relate.

Mars is in 02 Degrees Cancer.
Imaad Wasif, your moods are very important to your overall well-being. You are confident and self-assertive when you are feeling upbeat, and you are retiring, irritable and grumpy when you get depressed about anything. Very sensitive, you wear your heart on your sleeve. You are easily angered whenever you think someone has slighted you. You're extremely loyal and defensive of your family, neighborhood, community and culture.

Jupiter is in 17 Degrees Aries.
Imaad Wasif, the way that you grow and develop is by being an uncompromising individualist. You have a great need to be yourself and to explore your latent talents and abilities. Do not be afraid to let yourself go and develop self-confidence and pride in your accomplishments. But try not to become so self-centered that you ignore the needs of others. Also, you may have to build up your self-discipline in order to focus your energies properly.

Saturn is in 02 Degrees Leo.
Imaad Wasif, extremely self-reliant, you set very high standards of conduct and decorum for yourself, and you expect others with whom you associate to be that way, too. It is important that you had a strong father figure or role model early in life to mold your life course and direction. When you feel that those around you are unworthy or behaving badly, you withdraw, preferring solitude rather than associating with those who might besmirch your reputation.

Uranus is in 02 Degrees Scorpio.
Imaad Wasif, you, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems.

Neptune is in 10 Degrees Sagittarius.
Imaad Wasif, you, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto.

N. Node is in 21 Degrees Scorpio.
Imaad Wasif, you have a special aptitude for working by yourself, or with a like-minded group of dedicated individuals. Once you've committed yourself to a person or group or project, your loyalty and devotion are total until the group's goals have been realized. Not at all gregarious by nature, you're uncomfortable around strangers, greatly preferring to be in known and familiar situations. Others may regard you as shy or eccentric, but those who know you well are aware of the intense loyalty that you have to your friends.